This article was originally published in American Cemetery & Cremation in their December 2025 issue, click the link below to see the original article.
I started with The Tribute Companies in March 2023 knowing nothing about the death-care profession, less than nothing when accounting for the misinformation I needed to unlearn. Nearly two years later, I am still learning about new aspects of what we do all the time. One fantastic thing about our profession is the abundance of wisdom available from gracious people who have been doing this work for a long time. The easy acceptance of a new person into the community makes the transition from a different career path infinitely easier. Maybe that gracious acceptance of new people is why it has been strange for me to see how challenging it has been for many of our colleagues to embrace the changes in the profession brought by the increased cremation rate in most – if not all – of our communities.
I worked in the restaurant industry for 20 years. One lesson I learned well while operating restaurants was to listen to our guests. Certainly, suggestions were made that I smiled and listened to happily, knowing there was zero chance of them being effective. A favorite experience with this was when a bachelorette party enthusiastically encouraged me to add a champagne list at a cheeseburger-focused restaurant where throwing peanut shells on the floor defined the ambiance. More importantly, the daily conversations with our guests where they shared what they loved, (sometimes) loathed, and what they hoped to experience in our restaurants helped us stay focused on keeping our quality in line with expectations and staying creative in our offerings to encourage repeat visits.
When coaching restaurant managers, I often shared that the difference between a challenge and an opportunity is perspective. Our profession too often focuses on the challenge that families choosing cremation present rather than on the opportunity to serve new communities at our cemeteries. Like a fantastic restaurant server, especially one that makes an impression that may last forever, we need to listen to the families for whom we care and guide them towards the best possible experience we can offer. Our perspective needs to change.
Cemetery Design
Start with planning the space you will be showing to your families. We have all been to restaurants where the table layout looks and feels haphazard; typically, we do not return to these restaurants. Families are going to be more attuned to your guidance about their services if the space you have created for cremation interment feels thoughtful and encourages visitation. Unlike a restaurant, we have the advantage of time on our cemetery grounds. Successful restaurants have their ambiance dialed in on day one. On our grounds, we can construct our cremation gardens in phases that make sense in the space around them. While phase one needs to be visually saleable and aesthetically pleasing, the future phases can be brought in over time in a sensible way, complimenting the area’s size and the cemetery’s budget.
Display Options
As we strategically plan our cemetery space to better accommodate families choosing cremation for their final disposition, we need to recognize that every family has a different idea of what is right for them. To steal another page from my restaurant background, we need to create an excellent menu from which to serve. This is not the time to emulate a restaurant that serves a little bit of everything, though. The smorgasbord approach might be great for large groups with varied tastes or families with picky eaters, but the best restaurants have tight menus with purposeful options that can be prepared excellently. Work with your design team to create guidelines for the development that allows family memorialization choices while creating a timeless, serene garden to be enjoyed forever. Excellence can be a goal we all share.
Good cremation garden design creates a plan allowing diverse types and looks to memorials spread throughout the garden, but only featuring a few distinct monuments. Some gardens are developed with the monuments pre-placed, creating the final look to the garden from the day it opens, allowing families to choose their memorial from what is available. A different approach would be to show on a sales map what memorial styles are allowed in the different available spaces. However the goal is accomplished, a streamlined set of excellent options creates a better experience for your families than a garden with an “anything goes” approach that will lead to a disorderly garden. Developing a curated, intentional aesthetic for your cremation garden requires clear guidelines for memorialization options because of the vast options for memorization available.
Remembrance Service
A beautiful garden design with thoughtful memorialization options, like a great restaurant’s ambiance and delicious food, will only elevate our cemetery’s standing in our community so far. Our most crucial offering – the one that will be remembered far longer – is how well we care for those we serve. Guiding families through a grieving and remembrance process that allows them to say goodbye takes work, training, and caring on our part but creates a lifetime of good grace. The way our staff communicates, dresses, greets and follows up with families, and handles delicate matters makes a tremendous impact on the overall impression.
A fantastic restaurant team will guide their guest through the dining process. The host might suggest a favorite appetizer while bringing you to your table, then your server suggests a cocktail that pairs well with that appetizer. The culinary team offers nightly specials. A manager checks in to thank you for dining here and suggests a dessert that compliments the dinner you are enjoying. This becomes the place you choose for family events in the future and insist your friends try immediately. A spot up the street may have slightly better food and a spot across town may offer a better view, but it never feels like those restaurant teams are taking care of you.
We can create a similar experience for our cremation consumers. Our professional team should offer choices to the families we serve. The families may kindly refuse if they do not see the benefit to the services. However, without our suggestions, our families will never know about the “specials” we offer or the “pairings” that can be made for a cremation remembrance. We cannot forget about the personalized memorialization options, cremation keepsakes, jewelry, or other experiences that can be given to the cremation consumer. One of the worst ways we fail our cremation consumers is to assume they do not want anything extra or special. Our families cannot create the occasion they seek without being offered the way.
The difference between a fantastic and a mediocre restaurant experience can be found in how well a staff cares for guests even when they know what to expect from a restaurant. How much impact will your caring, informative process have on families planning an event with which they have limited experience? When we use our professional skills empathetically to assure that every family with whom we work has the best possible funeral experience, our whole surrounding community will know about it.
Perspective Shift
Cremation is here to stay. The families we serve learn more about their options for memorialization and remembrance from us than ever before. The number of outlets where our families can share their good experiences has grown exponentially. Every person we help who has a smartphone has the equivalent of a megaphone through which they can announce to their community how well they were cared for by your cemetery. We need to seek these opportunities out within our community. The rewards for doing this work well will be myriad.
By creating serene spaces with curated memorials and guiding families through planning meaningful remembrance services, the value of our facilities becomes self-evident. By hiring and training the right people who believe there are wonderful ways to make cremation services and memorialization options special and meaningful, the revenues will follow. Cremation is an emerging area of excellence for us. Like a successful restaurant adjusting their menu and service style to changing tastes, we must adapt to our communities’ new and evolving expectations. By leveraging our earned experience, we can do that better than anyone. •
Matt Benson is the director of client development for The Tribute Companies based in Hartland, Wisconsin. He can be reached at 262-367-9991 or mattb@tributeinc.com.
